As a wannabe writer, I never miss a good opportunity to 'people watch' (if I can help it) and take note of their behaviour etc. Recently (although this really stretches over a period of about two years), I have been lucky enough to be present at public gatherings involving people from all walks of life. The most fascinating, for me, proved to be people's peculiar behaviours when confronted with free food - and lots of it.
The following is a result of some of my observations and reflections.
The Grabber's Guide to SPGIFF (Successful Public Gathering Involving Free Food)
Objective:
Grab as much (food) as you can, as quickly as possible
Strategy:
It is important to remember that you are not at this gathering to meet people. It is a competition; "Survival of the fittest" rules apply.
Scan the competition. Look them in the eye in order to ascertain their intentions but always assume they're trying to reach the same objective as you are - consumption of large quantities of free food. Then, just as the enemy approaches the food, get in front of him/her/them. Make sure you smile. The flash of your pearly whites should blind them for a second. Then, strike! But, if at all possible, do so nonchalantly.
Grab a plate and ensure that you make your intentions clear. Plate in hand, it'll be much more difficult for the enemy to strike first because that...well...that would not be polite! They may be there to make friends but you're not! Stick as much food on your plate as can fit. That accomplished, you need to find a safe spot where you can enjoy your prize without interference. If this plan is to succeed, it is strongly recommended to scout potential safe areas prior to the food grab. If successful, you will not only enjoy the taste of your food but also bask in the glory of your strategic triumph...
It is important to note that circumstances may arise which could severely limit your access (to food) - from not enough food, in general, to the presence of too much competition. The wait for seconds may be unbearably long. In any event, you should be prepared. The proverbial "Plan B" should always be at hand. Bring bags and extra containers that you can stuff with your favourite snacks. Always assume that the enemy is as enterprising as you are...
If you follow these simple rules, success is virtually guaranteed. Whether at the gathering, or in the privacy of your own home, you'll be able to enjoy the spoils of your victory and be able to say with satisfaction: Veni, vidi, vici....Until the next time, of course!
Happy munching!
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